Boy, we're not getting any younger, are we? We're all a little rounder, and a lot grayer. Hate to say it, but it might be time to stop dressing like teenagers for most of us. That includes you, 50-something bandana-top-wearing chubby lady. Yeeesh.
Dear Brett Michaels: You're fun to watch, a true performer, not much on the singing, though. Good thing Rock Of Love came along, don't you think?
Dear Cheap Trick: As long as you're rocking, and Bun E. is laying down that sweet drum sound, I'll go see you. Thanks for making the new songs short.
Dear Phil Collen: Boy, you are ripped. If I looked like you, I'd never wear a shirt, either. And for that I resent you. You make all the ladies realize that their men don't have to be fat just because they're getting a little older. Because of you, I'm going to the gym today. Bastard.